Happy New Year:

So, this is the last post of 2011. For a odd-numbered year, I really have to admit -- it wasn't that bad :) Yes, there were ups and downs. But I've had some really good ups -- I got a new niece and nephew, Kayla and David; and they are precious. And, last April, I got to see, a dear, wonderful friend I've known for half my life again. Levi, you are precious to me too.

There were other things of course. Over all, a wonderful year. I am glad for my life, every bit of it, the ups and downs. I just wish it wouldn't go so fast. Cherish, everyone, cherish, every day. I didn't set resolutions this last year. This coming year, I think I will decide just to live.

Take care everyone, out there, have a happy, wonderful, safe New Year.

Oh yes, I must say, as for keeping this blog going, I think its looking up. :D

You Don't Expect It...

...you don't expect it to go so fast, an entire year. It seems like just yesterday was July 4, when the power went out in a thunderstorm exactly as it had the July 4 before. But it goes so fast. Or it seems like it was just April - which is a difficult month for me to face. And then suddenly its December, and you are looking at January again, with April right around the corner.

It goes so fast. So fast. Sit and enjoy it while you can. But also remember you have only one life to live, seriously, which speeds by. Putting stuff off til the next day eventually becomes the next week, the next month -- the next year. Then you wake up and you are older. And doing things may have been easier when you were ten years younger, and had more time.

So get up. Do something with it now. This second.

Enjoy it yes but balance it. Speaking from experience, don't let too much pass you by.

It's December...

...and my heart is heavy. I am feeling selfish tonight and not wanting to do something I really should for reasons that are in my interest more than in the interest of others, of family, of people whom need me most.

And that's not right.

Its not right to be so selfish, is it? Finally am at a point where I am doing something for me, and it feels wrong to say I don't want to loose that. Conflicted. Selfish. Maybe childish. I don't know.

We are supposed to be happy in December. Its the Season of Giving. The Season of Family? All of that good and happy stuff. And yet -- I don't feel it. I feel nervous and scared and everything else instead. I am not always a happy and encouraging person as this blog might sometimes show. In fact, I am the most pessimistic person I know.

But its December. Again. At last. Maybe things will get better? I don't know. This year flew, faster than the last two did, it seems like it was April only yesterday -seriously- I am one of those people whom sees the years flying by. Then it seems like it was I was celebrating July 4 over a pizza and a power outage just yesterday too. Then it seems like it was my nephew's birthday in August....

Time Flies. Its December. I am repetitive yes. Have a good nite, everyone.

I Am So Bored....

...it is 12:53 in the morning. I am bored out of my mind. I tried to watch The Lazarus Project but just couldn't get into it really. Bleh. What's more, I am wide awake. I want to write. I want to talk to someone... but nope, no one is on, nothing to do. Bored.

Have I cleaned yet - nope. lol. Nope, nope, nope.

I could play World of Warcraft, but not really want to right now. not alot to do but run in circles there right now because I am waiting on my sister to register her account.

I have only two episodes of Numb3rs left, yup, and drawing them out long as I can. I simply do not want the show to end dang it! lol. Good, good show. Will probably watch it again.

So, probably I am going to play Mahjong on my phone for three hours and crash out. Even if I am not tired. Nothing else to do. I've been sitting and waiting on email now for two days. Two days. Ugh. Bleh... lol...

Nite nite everyone.

Getting Ready to Sleep...

...I have three episodes of Numb3rs left. A good show, for sure, as it's left me wanting more. This is one I will miss for sure, much better on my list than Ghost Whisperer, which was over all good but lacking. Waiting to see the last three episodes of Numb3rs before picking favorites though. :)

So, I heard from one of my writing partners tonight, after my post from last night or the night before that's very cool I think. I miss her. I miss the writing.

It seems my writing time may be growing, maybe. Let's hope. Lol. This is me trying to be optimistic and hopeful. But I do enjoy it and hope others do too.

Been trying to wind down a bit. Not worry so much. Someone I love very much recently removed alot of stress in my life. I guess I need to keep sight of that, that its not always about me.

Oh, and I've still not cleaned the house. Maybe tomorrow. And I must call my grandma too. And now to bed. Take care everyone. Goodnight.

I'm Awake...

...its 02:25 a.m. here. I have nothing to do.

Thats not entirely accurate. I should write I have nothing I want to do or have the energy to to, or can do at this hour. I could clean my house, but yeah, that would be a bit noisy. I could watch Numb3rs, but yah, I have only eight or so episodes left and I was hoping to save them for tomorrow. I could play World of Warcraft, but right now I just don't have the drive. I could write on my stories which is what I want to do, but right now I just don't have the focus. I want to write on one of my games, but no one else is awake or seems to want to.

I am supposing you are getting the idea? So this blog is the outlet.

Oh, there is one thing. I saw a friend request on my Facebook page from the ex today, yah, that ex. I had a disturbing dream about him last night too. It seems even in my dreams I am still trying to impress him, and it still seems that even in my dreams that doesn't go the way I seem to hope. Last night in said dreams he left me collapsing to my knees in a hallway in tears. Yeah, I get that now. I just wish that at least I could escape him in my dreams.

So... Writing....

I am a writer.

It is my passion.

I've already written a two page rambling entry before this one that I did not post on this topic. You will learn that it is something about which I can go on and on and on.

So this is my first entry on this topic I believe. And the content of it will likewise be a bit scrambled as I've yet to sort it all out really in my head.

A couple points though, a couple questions that are in my mind. The first being that of why anyone would continuously tear down their main characters through aggressive and competitive writing? And then to wonder and get upset when others characters are honored and well liked when thiers are not? Yours is the hand that penned it -- you get what your writing infers.

Secondly, something else I've learned, writing scenarios in RPGs where the leader is kidnapped often does not stir a writing groups interest. I know, I've experimented with it -- and have found more often than not -- the writing group goes dead over the period of time these events take place in.

It may be something the lead person plans as an astounding and dramatic heart felt adventure. It tests loyalty, faith and trust, lots of heroics and passion between the lines. The sad fact about it is though, now that I've been on both sides of that coin; as having my lead character kidnapped in a story and having to help recover someone's lead character that is kidnapped in a story, often the scenario doesn't hold up as one expects.

I don't know why this is for sure. A lack of dynamics, maybe? I doubt it, because often the scenarios are full of color. When this is cornered with good directions for plays to go in it should work. But I think what it comes down to is maybe people feel left out.

More about that later, just a few notes I have made to think about. I will follow up soon. Take care.

Take That:

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
--Marilyn Monroe.

Another Good One:

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

--Mahatma Gandhi

Another Good Quote:

"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results."
- Winston Churchill

11.11.11:

...a rare occurrence! Look at the date. Just making note of the day. :)

Numb3rs

Oddly...

...I am not good at Math. Yet I find myself watching a show that centers around it; the CBS Paramount series, Numb3rs.

I am about halfway through the series and quite honestly I find it fascinating, even the math aspect of it, which normally, when I get one look at an equation and start to run. It in fact, makes me want to be like Charlie in the series, lol! Which says alot -- since usually, you know, as I just stated, I'd rather run.

I won't even say 'for the most part' here. Because in my opinion there is no 'most part' about it. Its a very good show, crime scene, deep characters, enough real life problems, relationships, and romance outside thier respective offices that it includes an entire scope that somehow draws people in.

Favorite episodes so far? Not quite sure yet. Will keep you posted though.

Ex-Uprising:

I just found out today that my ex, the one mentioned in this blog, contacted my brother this morning to be added to his Facebook. My brother's reaction was that he had some nerve, and he declined him. Honestly, that was my thought too. If there was some chance, which I doubt, that you want to ask about me, you come to me first.

I am stunned.

Today...

...is the day a year ago I had the seizure, the first one, in well over ten if not twelve years. It was unexpected. I had thought I had out-grown them. But apparently not. It has been an odd year since, I can't say I've really done allot with it but I knew now that yes, I did have epilepsy or siezure disorder as it is called now I guess.

Anyway, I am doing good. I don't let it bother me. I just wanted to mark the anniversary of it as it was a rather life changing/affirming event. Take care all, out there.

Something Better...

"God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.” -- Elisabeth Elliot

Ghost Whisperer

...finished the series just now. Need time to digest. Just wanted to make a note here. :)

Still here, WoW, and Rude People:

..check that out.

I was telling myself last night that if I didn't blog something this blog was going to stall too. And I don't want that to happen again.

So, what have I been up to?

Have had problems with wisdom teeth. I have tried to write a little bit on a story, unsuccessfully. I have four more episodes of Ghost Whisperer to watch and while I love the series its a double bladed knife because ultimately I have been let down by it. Also, I have been playing World of Warcraft [yes, I play that] and have a handful of characters there. that said I have a bone to pick on that topic - so bear with me please?

1. In game, say, I am just standing at a mailbox reading my map and WHAM! someone from the other side sneaks up behind me, whacks me in the head to stun me and render me helpless and then kills me before I can react.

Really???

Sneak up on someone whom isn't expecting it, render them helpless and kill them without giving them a chance to fight back? Really??? And this is something you brag about and are proud of??? Oh and it must be even better if you are a higher level killing a lower level right???

I realise, that, I am on a pvp server and being said, this could happen. I get that. But come on people, Horde and Alliance alike [I play both and it happens just the same on both sides] we are all humans behind keyboards. These attacks only irritate and annoy people. Would you walk up to someone you see on a street and push them? Because basically - that's what this is.

Oh yes, I've had my chances to do the same to other players. As a level 43 I once met up with a level 20 druid in the bottom of a cave near the start of a dungeon. I think the player was away from thier computer but they were being attacked by computer generated Nagas.

So, I had two options:

I could kill the character

Or:

I could kill the Nagas.

Guess which one I chose?

I sat there, shooting Naga after Naga until that player came back. And when they did I could tell they were scared I was going to kill them. I mean, I was 20+ levels above them, ten feet from thier character and part of the opposite side.

They ran.

Of course. I would run.

Just like two nights ago I was down in Gadgetzan; I got killed a couple times already right so I started putting poison on my blades and went marching in on my Kodo.

Well, I saw the player's character from the other side lllooooonggg before she saw me. But I gave her a chance. I sat there, near the flight path, and waited. And sure enough -- soon as she saw me she came running toward me and so I dismounted, still willing to give her a chance even though I knew what she was up to. Halfway there she stealthed [turned invisible, we were both rouges] and so I was like -- crap. Here we go.

Sure enough, she attacked.

Sure enough my crippling poison slowed her down long enough for the guard I was with to kill her for attacking me. But as she fell dead -- so did I. Some other player took advantage of my weak state [health bar dropped really really low] snuck up on me and stabbed me in the back.

Again -- Really?? She attacked me first, then you come and kill me --again-- when I am already weak and not expecting it?

But guess what, I do expect it. Sadly, I have learned to. Guess I should know better by now and stop giving chances. But then I would be doing exactly what they are doing.

Ok. Now, before you all tell me its only a game and I am taking it too far let me remind you of something: it's only a game.

Yes, think on that from the perspective I am writing this from not the perspective you would dictate this to me from: its only a game. These are real people somewhere, sitting at their computer. You are irritating them. You are being extremely rude. And I realise this post isn't going to make it stop. Its venting my frustration about it because I can. I guess though, we are all real brave behind our keyboards.

On a last note, I would like to thank the player from the other side whom helped me drop the Yetimus when she could have killed me instead. Wish there were more like you around. Where ever you are, you make the game fun.

Alright, off my soapbox about this. At least for now.

September 11

September 11 2001



We will never forget.

Rest in Peace.

[[you might have to pause the embed player in the sidebar to hear this video]]

...so, season 4 ep 6 of Ghost Whisperer -- it never should have happened.

I do not care how they covered it. In my opinion, it ruined the series and I believe they went too far.

I'd understand a little better if the actor wanted out - but he obviously did not.

This was bad writers reaching for something. And I bet over half of the fans think the same as I do. They took it too far. Leaving a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and not a love for a show.

And that's not what writing is supposed to do.

I realise the show is older now and they don't make it anymore. I am years behind but courtesy of netfl*x I have been able to catch this series now.

I liked it.

Not so much now.

There is a point when you go overboard by killing off every friend a main character gets.

I will finish the series all the same. But I doubt my opinion will change.

Ghostbusters

...wow a second post. I realise that its only a second post but hey, its progress right? So anyway, I haven't done alot over the past couple days. Been sort of hanging out and watching Ghost Whisperer from start to finish. I am on the last two episodes of the first season and honestly, do not think the best friend part was necessary. I am leaving it vague for those of you that haven't seen it. But really, the storyline for that episode was well written without that part... those of you whom have seen it - you know what part I mean.

But as I writer I can understand why it was done as well, even if I still don't agree with it. Also, while this show is indeed good -- it did run for five years-- I can see why it rated as it did. I mean, the 'I see a light' line is already getting a bit old. lol. But hey, I guess, what else is a ghost supposed to say? "Boo?"

Take care everyone.

And so it begins...

...again.

I've lost track of how many times I have created a blog just to share my thoughts. I have lost track of how many times I have written the starting post. I have lost track of how many times I have said the same things over again.

But maybe this time will be the time. We shall see. I have had another blog strong and thriving on the net now for about four years but it is not a blog I can include some things on. So, here this one is. I have also lost track of how many times I have said -- let's see if this blog sticks. But hey, lets see if it does, right? Let's begin.

Welcome to my blog. I have it here for my thoughts, to say what I need to say either at the spur of a moment or maybe a place to finally say and let go of things collecting for years. I have it here for a place to go when I get bored, like I am now. I have gone through the same websites each several times -- nothing changed. I've checked my email several times -- nothing changed. I am lonely. I am wanting to write on my story with someone, any story, but no one is there.

So I guess this is starting to sound depressing. There might be a lot of that on here -- its one reason I have attempted to make this blog over the last several years; to get it all out. So that, maybe if I can get it all out it won't be in my head, someone will finally hear it, and I can be happy again? And maybe it can help someone else somewhere whom might be feeling or going through the same thing. That would make it worth it. But even if not, maybe that one person, will at least finally be me. And no, I don't have many answers. But maybe I finally have a song.