Blogging on the World Wide Web

Isn't it funny how we sit at these blogs and pour our hearts out to strangers whom we don't even know whom live on the other side of the world.  On blogs like these, we, myself included, post our personal thoughts, feelings and beliefs with people far and wide - with people everywhere.  The idea of a blog from my perspective is something of a diary.  But instead of it being something no one is supposed to read.  It is an open book for anyone whom might simply stumble across it?  And yet, there is something in doing so, that allows us to be heard.

I think they are places for us to document things as well.  Events in our life we want to set a bookmark on, get feedback from, sympathy, a virtual hug?  I think they are places we turn to for encouragement.  I think they are places we go so we don't feel alone.

I think they can be construed.  I think they can be misused.  I think some people look at a blog and then for their own amusement use it to make someone else hurt.  I think they can be used to one up each other.  Or used by someone whom thinks they know more than the author does and that thier way is better.

For example, on my adoption blog I advocate for homes for kids whom need them.  As the posts often concern children whom live overseas - I am often 'reminded' that kids here in the USA need homes too.

In those cases it is often hard for me to not point out that the commenter's ignorance is showing: because if they spent any time at all on my blog other than to troll it, they would find out that I advocate for kids everywhere, overseas in orphanages and for kids right here in the USA foster system as well.

And that is just one example.  People having to 'one up' each other is everywhere.  And often, people whom feel the need to do that, are wrong. 

Just a few thoughts tonight about blogging.  Will be back soon with other stuff.

Take care everyone. 

Freedom...

...it's important.  Isn't it?  Isn't it???

It won't let me embed this video, but its a good song if you want to watch it.

It Eats Away at You:

Depression. More often than not these days people will claim to have it. And maybe they do. But sometimes I have to wonder if they know what its like to wake up each day feeling like you are standing in three feet of mud, insanely sad enough not even to make breakfast or get out of bed. You are sad, with no real reason why, to the point where you just sit and stare at nothing, wanting to do something, but your body won't function and its all you can do just to sit there. Often, you go back to bed to wait til the doing nothing time is over. Then when you get up, maybe something will have changed? You cry alot. You feel alone nearly constantly even when people are around. People tell you they are there for you but it only irritates you more because you feel like they don't really get it. Sometimes, you don't want anyone there for you. You want to be left alone. You constantly feel nervous or frightened about something, or that you are doing something wrong. You rarely smile. You know something is wrong with that and it makes it worse because you have so many things to smile about. You long for the way you used to be. You remember what you felt like before. You want that again.

But you feel empty. You feel nothing emotionally but sadness and pain. Even if you want to feel happy. You have shut down. People you love dearly pass on - you don't shed a tear. Instead you go on and its almost like if you don't have to think of it or look at it, it won't hurt. Eventually you start handling everything that way; avoiding with everything possible the things that make you uncomfortable or make you hurt. You stay inside. You don't go out. Friends want to do stuff and you might make excuses not to. You feel comfortable in your world. A week passes and you hardly notice. Then a month. Then a year and another and another. You wonder where the time goes. You've been doing this for years...

You get desperate. You tell people you think you need help. They say "ok honey, if you think so," and the matter drops. No help comes. No one thinks anything is really wrong with you. You want to love. You want to be happy. But you don't know how. You start thinking you are trying to hard. That you shouldn't try so hard. And so it goes, again and again and again.

This is a bit of what depression for me is. I have passed nearly eight years of my life like this. The good thing is, I am starting to recognize it, and am making myself smile at little victories such as coming up with a successful storyline, being able to talk to a friend, and or actually getting out and do things even when everything inside me is revolting against doing so. Then when I do them, I find out they are fun -- and that I am glad I went. It isn't easy, 98 percent of the time, I still fail. But it is an uphill battle after all. I've heard it said that God doesn't give us stuff we can't handle. I think the truth of that is -- that he doesn't give us stuff we can't handle without Him.

Have a wonderful night everyone. Take care.

..to Dream and Discover

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain.

After all, my New Years Resolution this year -- is to live. :D

I am working on a new book at last. Officially, I am ten pages in. Which is great! I've finally got past the writer's block I've stumbled into. Its based on an idea I came up with just under a month ago. We shall see what happens in it because, even in writing it, sometimes I don't even know. Talk to you all later everyone. And Happy Groundhogs day! Six more weeks of winter weather, so I've heard. Doesn't bother me a bit though really. I kind of like winter. Its a great time of year. Take care.

Forget it.

Forget it. Forget it all.

I am tired of everyone caring about only themselves. I am tired of them making promises they don't keep. I am tired of them pretending something is important to them only because they don't want to upset me. I am tired of feeling like I really am annoying them and they are pretending not to be.

I am TIRED TIRED TIRED of people being selfish and self important. I am tired of them making stuff up. I am tired of feeling like this all the time. If you guys don't want to do it, don't. Its that simple. Its alright. I will just go on. I will do it on my own.

Someone told me once I should do something more profitable with my time. Well, maybe, you should do something with yours.

Tired...

...maybe this should be the 'complain alot' blog.

I seem to do that alot.

I blog here when I need something to do, anything to do, other than stare at a blank computer screen and want someone to talk to. I am lonely. I have someone to talk to yes, but, see the blog post below this one.

I just want to talk. I just want to write stories. I just want to to something.

But I am going to bed. Maybe tomorrow it will be different. Maybe tomarrow I will have people to write with. Maybe tomorrow.

But I am going to sleep, I feel lonely and sad. I feel like things are just not going to work. And I don't know how to say it.

January..

..and my heart is sinking. Sinking and sinking. I am asking allot of questions why and being argumentative to the one that gave me everything. But I don't understand, isn't what I wish important too? Is it right for me to feel like an object when I keep begging for help with this? Pleading, begging, for it to stop. Now I am blogging it.

January.

I do not feel the same. I never will as long as this goes on like this.

You Don't Expect It...

...you don't expect it to go so fast, an entire year. It seems like just yesterday was July 4, when the power went out in a thunderstorm exactly as it had the July 4 before. But it goes so fast. Or it seems like it was just April - which is a difficult month for me to face. And then suddenly its December, and you are looking at January again, with April right around the corner.

It goes so fast. So fast. Sit and enjoy it while you can. But also remember you have only one life to live, seriously, which speeds by. Putting stuff off til the next day eventually becomes the next week, the next month -- the next year. Then you wake up and you are older. And doing things may have been easier when you were ten years younger, and had more time.

So get up. Do something with it now. This second.

Enjoy it yes but balance it. Speaking from experience, don't let too much pass you by.