...and my heart is heavy. I am feeling selfish tonight and not wanting to do something I really should for reasons that are in my interest more than in the interest of others, of family, of people whom need me most.
And that's not right.
Its not right to be so selfish, is it? Finally am at a point where I am doing something for me, and it feels wrong to say I don't want to loose that. Conflicted. Selfish. Maybe childish. I don't know.
We are supposed to be happy in December. Its the Season of Giving. The Season of Family? All of that good and happy stuff. And yet -- I don't feel it. I feel nervous and scared and everything else instead. I am not always a happy and encouraging person as this blog might sometimes show. In fact, I am the most pessimistic person I know.
But its December. Again. At last. Maybe things will get better? I don't know. This year flew, faster than the last two did, it seems like it was April only yesterday -seriously- I am one of those people whom sees the years flying by. Then it seems like it was I was celebrating July 4 over a pizza and a power outage just yesterday too. Then it seems like it was my nephew's birthday in August....
Time Flies. Its December. I am repetitive yes. Have a good nite, everyone.
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